The Sea

I forgot how wonderful the sea was. Not being in it, that is something I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy, but looking at it. Being on a train and turning your head to see that blue sea. The waves gentle and looking so crisp under the bright clear day. There’s just something beautiful and calming about it. It almost transports me somewhere else, makes me feel as if I am so far away.

Sleepy Brain has Woken Up

I haven’t written a blog post in what 3/4 months? It would seem life has managed to escape me. I feel as if life has been stagnant and today is the first time in a long time that I have truly stopped for a moment and seen so much of it had passed me by. 4 months! What have I achieved in that time? Well, I’ve completed my A-levels, gone blonde, contacted some literary agents, started a completely new book away from trilogy’s universe, I had a job lined up for summer, then had it taken away as the company went bust, and then have spent the majority of my summer holidays so far in this limbo of trying to find a job and just wanting the summer to be over so I can start University. Start this new chapter of my life.

I have made no lasting memories in Summer, I never do. Instead I have been at home just going quietly a bit mad if I’m honest and doing chores and trying to find a job. And now, well, now I have a summer job. I start this tuesday coming and I think having that approaching has finally woken me up from this stagnant mess I’ve been in.

I so often find myself trapped inside my own mind, trapped in thoughts that keep me rooted, stagnant. Now that I have a job coming that will keep me busy from 9 to 5.30 Monday to Friday I suddenly want to be active and creative and seize memories. It’s strange that. Strange how our mind work, because when we have all the time in the world our minds cannot bring themselves to wanting to do anything and now that I know I won’t have all this time my brain has suddenly woken up. Fat lot of use that is to me now.

But really I think the main problem is…I am just perpetually lazy and right now for the first time in ages I want to be active.

Thought no.211 – Quote

“It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that’s dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It’s so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can’t say the things you want to.”

—	Henry Rollins, Solipsist (via wordsnquotes)

Thought no.210 – Tired

I am super sleepy right now. I’ll try and write a proper thought for tomorrow.

Thought no.209 – Quote

“You must not reduce yourself to a puddle just because the person you like is afraid to swim and you are a fierce sea to them; because there will be someone who was born with love of the waves within their blood, and they will look at you with fear and respect.”

—	T.B. LaBerge (via beautiful-ambition)

Thought no. 208 – Leeds Castle

 

So as you know (as I made a thought about it a few days ago) I went to Leeds castle with my friend. I filmed the day and have finally finished editing my footage.

Thought no.207 – sleepy

i am too sleepy to write a post but not sleepy enough to go to bed

Thought no.205 and 206 – Annoyed

I am so angry and annoyed that I missed yesterday because I had been doing so well with remembering.

Thought no.204 – Leeds Castle

Went to Leeds Castle today with my friends, in order to celebrate my friend’s birthday, or rather belated birthday as hers was back in march and we hadn’t gotten around to doing something.

Thought no.203 – Half a heart

My heart aches and I don’t know why
I would say it is because of you
but there is no you.
I wish there was a you, a you and me,
but I do not even know who you is yet
I hopelessly dream of a you
who will hold my hand and make me smile
sooth my wounds and make me cry.
Everywhere I go I see a someone who has a you
yet I am just a me, not a we, not an us.
Perhaps that is why my heart aches,
it aches because it is only a half not a whole
and it searches hungrily for what will
make it whole and not ache so much.