University Thoughts – Love feels like… (a poem)

It’s the moment when the sun is on your face,
and you close your eyes as your whole body fills with warmth.
Even though my eyelids are shut I can still see colour.
It’s contentment. It’s as if the whole world stops
the world freezes for me in that second. Nothing else matters,
because nothing else exists. It’s just warmth and colour and content.
I’d like to imagine that’s what love feels like.
At moments, fleeting moments, our love would feel like that.
It’ll be that small smile that appears on my face. The smile
that is only reserved for quiet moments when people aren’t looking.
Like when I’m in the cinema and only the story and the
characters exist and their happiness is mine. You and me could be those
characters, and that secret smile hidden in the dark would be for us.
I’d like to imagine that’s what love feels like.
At moments, fleeting moments, our love would feel like that.
It’s that breath that you take after the days have been so stuffy.
As if I’ve been starving for oxygen because everything around me
feels closer somehow. As if everything is squeezing me, and the air
is too stuffy, the air is too hot, the air is not enough. Then it breaks.
The rain comes pouring down, the sound like a tiny orchestra just for me.
And with that first rain drop. I can finally breathe again.
I’d like to imagine that’s what love feels like.
At moments, fleeting moments, I fool myself into thinking that.
Because, to me, love feels like nothing.
Love is an empty wish as I blow out a candle.

Thought no.55 – I want to make videos

Every single time I watch Becoming Youtube I am always inspired to start youtubing. The newest episode yesterday was no different. I would love to create youtube videos. I ideally would make artistic videos, maybe short films, things similar to what Kickthepj does. I think I have realised I enjoy telling stories and well I only ever do that in writing but I think I would like to try in video. I have all these ideas in my head, I can see the videos I want to create but I don’t know how to create them and I don’t want have to made crappy versions of them. I want them to be good but I don’t have the ability to.

I know everyone has to start somewhere, even on youtube. But I don’t want to start with making terrible videos. I want to be able to make these ideas in my head. I want to make good quality content. I don’t care about the subscribers I care about making good videos and I don’t know how to do it. I just wish that I could. I wish I had the ability to be able to make the videos in my head real. Or I wish I just didn’t care that my videos were terrible quality.

That’s the problem with youtube, alongside the divide between viewer and creator, is that want-to-be-creators wish to make something of similar quality to those that that are watching but don’t know how and so never try. I don’t want to make a terrible job of the ideas I have, I don’t want to see what I have created and realise it is nothing like the image in my head. I wish I had the courage to try though, or I had the persistence to keep on trying until I got better. I am my worst enemy. But all my ideas are of a high standard and I want to meet that. So every time I am inspired to create videos it angers me immensely to know that I want to so much but just cannot meet the expectations in my head.

Thought no. 46 – Youtuber Community

This is a subject that is close to my heart as I am an avid watcher of the so called ‘youtubers’. I could talk about so many things, to do with how they have shaped me, how I admire them, how I want to be one of them, how I want to create content, but those are thoughts for another day. Today I wish to talk about the youtube community.

I believe there are two parts to the youtube community: the watchers and the creators, and it is no lie to state that there are far more watchers than there are creators. Today I’ve been thinking about the creators’ community, the ‘established’ or ‘famous’ sector. The part where it seems every single youtuber knows one another and is friends with one another.

I think it is amazing that everyone gets along so well and everyone is genuine friends. I think, (queue my bias opinion) that the British youtube community is one of the closest. They all have their little cliques within in but overall everyone just seems exceptionally close. Their friendships are something that as a watcher I envy but I also need to be able to separate myself from, because although they are welcoming me into a part of their life I am not actually in it.

The community is a beautiful place full of these creators that are supportive of one another and help each other create content, it just seems like a genuinely lovely community. Though of course looks can be deceiving, we never know what is going behind closed doors. The point I am trying to articulate is that this world created through cameras, a computer and a website has joined so many people and has provided them with friendships that are sure to last a lifetime, but as well give them all opportunities to go after their dreams. To have a hobby that is so much more than a hobby, but most of all they get to share it with us, the ‘watchers’. The Youtube Community, and youtube platform, is in my opinion one of our generation’s greatest assets and achievements.