University Thoughts – Focus on the Good Memories

Although there are many things that I never did in my first year of University like sitting on a rooftop late at night, or doing laundry in the early hours of the morning, working in the library into the next day, sitting on a patch of grass with a group of friends, leave an essay to the night before, or going on a date, or falling in love. Or a lot of the stereotypical things associated with University.

I did still actually do a lot: I lived with a bunch of strangers and became friends with them, played swivel chair hockey, frying pan tennis, pumpkin bowling, made a fort, had a water fight, went for late night walks, stayed up into the early hours of the morning talking with friends, made multiple late night mcdonalds trips, had an impromptu flat party, got pushed around in a trolley, got freshers flu, had a late night cry with a friend, made friends with strangers, got complimented in a bathroom, threw up in multiple toilets and even on the high street, had horrible hangovers, made drunken mistakes, kissed strangers, kissed friends, gone on walks to discover somewhere new, had deep conversations, been chased by a goose, gone out for meals with friends, celebrated birthdays, went to a student night at a playzone, had study sessions in the library, had weeks with hardly any sleep, weeks with too much sleep, skipped lectures, made 9 ams when I went out the night before, spent whole lectures sitting at the back playing around instead of listening, joined societies, stopped going to societies, joined a gym, quit the gym, won a filming competition, made a short film, worked for hours straight in an edit suite, made a tv show, filmed in a castle prison, wrote tonnes of essays, did group presentations, watched new things, went to the cinema,  tried new things, purposely did something out of my comfort zone, did yoga, just sat and gossiped, had prank wars, lived with a traffic barrier in the flat and a road sign, decorated the flat for Christmas, went out for a Christmas meal, made pancakes for people on pancake day, went out on a pub crawl, cleaned a drain, lost my purse, broke my phone so had to use a crappy nokia, had a flat meal, made friends, made a university family. Laughed until it hurt, cried so much it felt like I was dying, made mistakes, but made a million more memories.

No matter how much I’ve been remembering the bad this week, those bad memories sticking more in my brain than the good. If I look back and truly think the good have by far outweighed the bad, and I’ve actually had a pretty amazing first year. Sure I’ve already forgotten a lot of what has happened these past eight months, and I’ve been spending this past week feeling nostalgic and sad and tired and alone, though looking back I can’t help but smile. It’s been an indescribable eight months and it’s sad to say goodbye to being a fresher. It’ll be hard moving out on Monday knowing I won’t be living here in this room again or with the same people, but this September will bring a new year of University and if it can provide me with memories like it has done this year, even the bad, then I look forward to it. I’m sad to say goodbye, but finally beginning to look forward to what else life has to bring me.

Thought no.1- 2013 Jar

Over 2013 I had this jar, and this jar was filled with little pieces of paper that I had written on throughout the year. These little pieces of paper had briefly written memories that made me happy. So I could look back and see my year focusing on the positives. Yesterday, as it was the last day of the year, I got to open my jar and read through all of these things.

I for some reason expected it to be more uplifting, but seeing my year mapped out before me was oddly strange, because I had not noted down half as many happy memories as I would have hoped to have had. In February I had only two. As I look back at this year just gone and think about those little pieces of paper, I only think how fleeting happiness is. Compared to all other emotions it is so very fleeting, and so hard to focus on when you are usually surrounded by the negative emotions.

I had expected 2013 to be a very happy year after having such an unhappy year in 2012, but looking back, and seeing all these small moments of happiness, I couldn’t help but remember why there wasn’t more. There was one that I read from back in january that said “I got my leavers form today I CAN LEAVE” I was clearly so happy and I remember being over the moon and completely elated. But I thought to myself if I could go back in time and tell my younger self that actually going to college is not at all how I envisioned and perhaps I should reconsider going. I know that the root of my unhappiness since September had been college and how I had such high expectations and so few of them were met.

Looking at those little pieces of paper with my happy memories was lovely, but it was also sad. Saying that, does not mean that I shall not be doing it again this year, because I plan on doing again. Those little pieces of paper had provided me with memories I had forgotten, and in years to come when I look at those little pieces of paper, I will only see the good in 2013, which is something I must always focus on. I must live for these good moments, even if they are fleeting, because at the end of the day they mean so much more than the bad moment. Here’s to a happy 2014.