Thought no.301- So I Cried

I feel a little bit stupid now but sometimes you just have to give into your emotions no matter how irrational. I am someone who worries, I am perpetually in a state of “what-if” and worry about the future, especially if I haven’t got control over said problem.Today, well, about half an hour ago my stress levels just peaked and I couldn’t think rationally. I just cried. I needed to talk, I am often someone who just swallows my feelings but for once this stress just needed to explode and it did. I feel stupid now and as if I have over-reacted but the thing is I can’t control how I react to situations. Hence why I reacted thus, and yes I feel foolish and stupid but I also feel ten times better. My parents may not completely understand why I get stressed over something that I have no control over and react the way I do, but the truth is I don’t know either.I’ll only ever know if someone picks apart my brain, which isn’t going to happen.

So, yes, I cried, but I am feeling better now and I implore you if you are feeling stressed, worried, panicked, anxious and you need to cry just do it. You’ll feel better afterwards, I promise.

Thought no.288 – Worries

I thought I was collapsing
just wasn’t able to breathe
my mind not willing to share my worries
but my mouth had either ideas.
At first it was slow
the words forming gradually
at once my shoulders became lighter
so I continued in order to be free.
My mind protested to the words
but my mouth and heart knew
what was best, and they were right.
For speaking my worries
allowed me to breathe
I sighed with relief.
You understood and smiled,
listened intently
and beyond what I was saying.
You nodded and gave me your own words
of advice and care.
So not only was the weight lifted
my mind began to relax
it stopped battling the rest of me.
So thank you
I don’t thank you enough
and my mind doesn’t trust enough.
But as the saying goes,
Slow and steady wins the race. 

Thought no.104 – Cluttered Room = Cluttered Mind

My room is now pastel blue or as the paint tin says Carrie.

This past week I have been painting my room. Anyone who has painted their room would know it is a messy job. Not specifically the painting but having to move everything around. I have a box room and so getting stuff out and moving it around so I can access the walls was not easy. In fact it was pretty difficult, but I definitely have some muscles now. The problem was my room got messy. Like I has some very narrow paths where I could just about get from my room to my door.

This mess truly did not sit well with me. I don’t find clutter or a messy room usually distressing or of any discomfort but having my room in such a state seriously messed with my mind. It got me exceptionally stressed. I don’t think it helped that my room was so small and then all the mess made it smaller making me feel quite claustrophobic. I only realise now that I am finished and my room is all tidy that it was in fact the mess that had got me so stressed out. I now feel a million times calmer and happier.

It got me thinking about how our surroundings do affect us emotionally. What we surround ourselves with everyday we find natural and it’s something regular and comforting. So when something does disrupt our ‘status-quo’ it does throw us off. This unbalance around us causes an unbalance within us. I never before really took into account how my surroundings and environment affected me because before it never did, I suppose completely inverting my living space caused my mind to invert consequencing into the terrible way I have been feeling.