University Thoughts – Finally Realising

It’s my third week at university and I feel like perhaps the reality of it all is slowly sinking in. The dream like euphoria is seeping away. I’m waking up.

It felt like I was living one of those dreams I like to create myself when trying to get to sleep. The ones that are plausible, tangible, but still a dream, just with a hint of reality. That’s what this has been like. But now, it’s strange. It does slightly feel as if I am waking up, as if this actually is my reality now. Expecting to wake up back at home and this be a dream isn’t what’s going to happen. Because this is real. So very real.

And it’s been an experience. I have always gone on about how I have never truly lived in life. I’ve been surviving. But there have been moments that I can say have been lived not survived. For once anxieties haven’t kept me locked in a cage and it’s been surreal. I haven’t worried about something that it has prevented me from doing it, I’ve just done it.

Here I am a clean slate. No one here knows who I am, I can be whoever I want to be. Not that I am trying to be someone I am not, but I am just able to be myself free from expectations or prior knowledge. Perhaps I am truly waking up more than I realise.

I already have memories that I know I will have way down the line; moving in, my first shop, going out for the first time, first ring of fire, playing swivel-chair hockey, playing frying pan tennis, first film i made in filmmaking society, first lecture, first seminar, first workshop. All these memories have been made and sure there will be some memories that’ll be forgotten but others will be cherished. It’s all part of the experience.

But, now, suddenly I feel lonely. I feel so very far away my friends and family and am yearning for those relationships. In truth I just want a hug. I’m surrounded by people who are acquaintances, these people who I only know a little about and what I could do with is a friend. A proper friend, but I haven’t made that sort of bond yet. And right now I’m slightly worrying if I am going to make a proper friend. People always say you make friends for life at Unversity; I’m just hoping I make friends

Thought no.272- The Whiteboard of Productivity

So today I bought myself a whiteboard in order to try and make myself be more productive and get stuff done. On it I have listed things I need to get done, which means I constantly see it so it will be constant reminder. The point cannot be rubbed off until I have done it and so i shall stare at me until I do it. Hopefully it’ll get me working, because I need to find ways to make myself productive. Fingers crossed this will work.

Thought no. 271 – Focus

It’s been a while since I’ve filmed (the ideas just haven’t been there neither has the confidence) but finally I have filmed and edited another thing, learning about altering the focus on my camera definitely inspired this one.

Thought no.270 – Yesterday’s Thought

So i am writing yesterday’s thought today and then will also be writing today’s thought in another post, because I actually had a thought for yesterday and here it is…

Money and Time is all I can seem to think about at the moment; how there isn’t enough time and I don’t have enough money and how there are so many things that I need to get done but here I am still as lazy as ever. Always obsessing over the money in my bank account and future expenditures I need to make and what time I have left and everything that needs to be done in a certain space of time and how time is running out and going too fast. It’s exhausting and I feel like I am drowning in this endless chasm of not enough time or money and both correlate so much with the other, there isn’t enough time before I need to spend so much money and I need to spend money in such a time, but what if I don’t have that money and its just this constant weight and worry. And I am so annoyed by letting these things rule my life but they control everyone’s and I just wish I didn’t care so much.

Thought no.269 -…

…

Thought no.268 – Quote

“There are 7 billion people in the world. For each negative thing a singular person says about you, don’t forget that there are millions of people who have tens of thousands of positive things to say. Your life is yours, and your time is yours and only yours. It’s a privilege to enjoy your company, it’s not a right.”

—	burning-abyssal-phantasm (via wordsnquotes)

Thought no.267 – Good day

Do you ever just have a good day? Even the bad things that happened don’t really effect you just fly over your head because today is just a good day.

Thought no.266 – 99 days

There are 99 days rest of this year meaning I have only 99 posts left, its weird to think that this project of mine will soon be over and that I actually managed it. I’d love to get the rest of these 99 days done without missing any but that is far too unlikely, but I hope to try and not miss very many. Here’s to the rest of the year.

Thought no.265 – Depth of field

Learning how to alter the depth of field in a shot has always intrigued me. I’ve never just been able to work it out in my head, I understand that there would need to be a shift in focus but just couldn’t work out how it would be done. I want to know how as in shots I think altering the depth of field is actually just one of those visually intriguing moments as it pulls the audience’s attention to what you want it to be. And so after the creeping thoughts of depth of field entered my mind once more I decided to use our good friend google. I found the answer.

Now if you’ll turn your eyes to my little test just proof of my achievement.

 

So I discovered in order to alter the depth of field I needed to be in manual focus rather than automatic and then proceed to alter the focus using the lens and learn which way to turn in order to discover which way the focus turns. Though of course from my 8 second clip, just proof of my skills, is that you can in fact hear the sound of me turning the lens in order to alter the focus. This is something that can easily be remedied by deleting the audio in editing. But I’m feeling pretty chuffed with myself in the fact that I’ve taken to learning that and it took a manner of seconds.

Thought no.264 – Bleugh

Bleugh