Thought no.255- Fangirl

So on wednesday I both bought and read Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. And its nice to find a book that you can’t put down and can’t physically go to sleep because you need  to find out what happens. It’s been a while since I’ve done that and this book here was just so lovely and you honestly feel so connected to the characters. They are so real and you are just rooting for them (those who have read the book I hope you like that little reference).

It is the characters that I believe really make the story so great and its because these characters are so real specifically Cath, these aren’t some sort of cliche stereotypical characters their feelings and their reactions are so humans and so perfect that you can’t help but connect with them and fall in love.

The biggest problem I had with the story was the ending. I loved and hated how it ended as I felt that it could go on and the story its self hadn;t finished yet hadn’t reached a proper resolution where I could leave the story contented. I felt as if there could be so much more; but that may just be because I didn’t want the story to end.

I would definitely recommend this book and shall be reading it again, it is such a lovely story

Thought no.246 – Quote

“Keep Reading. It’s one of the most marvelous adventures that anyone can have.” – Lloyd Alexander

Thought no.97 – Worse than a Rejection

So if you have been following this blog for a while you will know that about a month or so ago I sent a submission for my book to a literary agent. A review of them said they had gotten a rejection back, but their reply had come two weeks after they had sent there’s. So I expected a reply after two weeks. I didn’t. I STILL HAVEN’T. I have double checked that I have sent to the right email address, I have neither recieved an email informing of a rejection, nor have I recieved an email even telling me they have recieved my submission. I have not heard anything.

This slightly angers me. I understand that it must have been a rejection. But to not even inform me of this rejection or even a conformation of my submission telling me if I have not heard from them after so many weeks it is a rejection. I have heard nothing, and that to me is worse than a rejection. To me this just seems slightly rude. I know the email has been sent, I know the email address is right. I just don’t understand why they wouldn’t even have the courtesy to email me back. I wouldn’t mind if they were just giving me a rejection at least I would have something. This is far worse than a rejection and it angers and saddens and disheartens me. It makes me feel as if my submission, my work, wasn’t even worth the time.

I don’t know. I hope that maybe they just have a lot of submissions and will actually acknowledge me but I think that if I haven’t heard from them by now, then I won’t hear from then at all. It’s just worse than a rejection.

Thought no.60 – The story has ended

It’s done. The story has finished. The first draft of book 3 is done. It’s strange though, because I don’t feel like it is finished. I guess that is because it isn’t. I already know there are whole chapters I’d like to re-write and new chapters that I’d like to write in. So, I suppose the story isn’t actually finished and in a way I don’t think it ever will be.

The first draft of the first book was done on the 28th August 2012. The first draft of the second book was done on the 5th March 2013 and now the third book’s first draft was done on the 1st March 2014; almost a year later. The third book had honestly been the hardest to write out of the three books and I believe will need the most editing and alterations. But it is done. There won’t be another story for these characters, not that I write anyway. Now, I am going to go back to the very beginning and re-read the first, which in my opinion is done and needs no further alterations to the story. I’ll let myself become completely engrossed in the story before I begin the edits upon the third book. I just can’t believe I’m finished. It feels very surreal and I thought perhaps I would feel something more than this. I don’t know what I thought I would feel once I finished but I expected there to be something more. Maybe I don’t because I know that all my characters are safe and I am happy with how it has ended.

This series is the thing I am most proud of in the world and I don’t think i have actually accepted that I have finished. Probably because there is so much editing to do. But I just want to say to all of those out there who want to write a book, do it, it one of the best things in the whole entire world and I have never been more proud of an accomplishment. And to those that are writing a book, good luck.

Thought no.58 – Reaching the end

I have almost completed the third and final book in a series I am writing. I’m almost at the end but I just can’t quite bring myself to write it. I would say I am probably about a chapter away from the end. I know it is my first draft and so it still has a lot of work that needs to be done, but it still feels like the end. The story is ending and I don’t want it to.

Writing this series has been very special to me and it means a lot to me as I first started writing it in 2012 when I was going through one of the most difficult parts of my life. It was my escape, it was my therapy, it was my way of conveying how I felt without actually telling anyone. And I’m almost done. I don’t want to be done, but I know there is no more that needs to be written, there is not another story that needs to be told. All my characters are safe now, and I want them to be safe so I must finish writing.

With the previous two I never had such reserves and refusal about writing the end because I knew it wasn’t the end. I knew there was something else coming. But now…everything is so final. These characters have been with me for the past 2 years now, they are a part of my life and I worry that without them I will lose myself and resort back to the horrible place that I was in in 2012.

It’s like with most books and when you are reading them and you can see you only have a couple of pages left and you want to prolong it for as long as possible because you want to savor the moments but you also just really badly want to get to the end. But afterwards you are left with that numb lost feeling. It’s going to be like that but worse because these are my characters, I created them. And I really don’t want to let them go.

Endings may be hard to write but reaching the end is hardest of all, because it won’t continue, it all just ends with a full stop.

Thought no.53 – My mind is writing somewhere else

Today has been more of a creative writing day for me so trying to write non-fiction is exceedingly difficult for me. I just want to go back into the narrative world of my book I am writing. Today my writing has been very conversation based rather than action or imagery. And because my mind is within the fictional world of my own creation I shall leave you with a little something I wrote today from my book:

“Why are you doing all of this?” Bea asked,

“To make the world fair. You know that,”

“Is it making you happy though?”

“What sort of question is that one?”

“One you don’t want to answer,” remarked Alice with a grin. “That’s thing with revenge Zena, is that it burns as well. It leaves you with nothing. Burning away all what you once had and burning anything you could have. You live your life to enact this revenge and then you don’t feel anything. The anger is gone, you don’t feel happy or satisfied. Revenge never brings about happiness,”

 

Thought no.52 – Divergent

I finally managed to get over my reader’s block thanks to this good little series. It’s a great YA dystopian novel, but just because it is YA doesn’t mean that is it restricted to those that fit into that category. I think that those older than the YA can still read it and enjoy it. I would presume if you like the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins that you will like these, they are slightly similar by having the whole dystopian theme but their plots are quite different.

I thought the books were great. The thing with dystopian novels is they usually expose something about human nature and show it to the reader using these dystopian fantasy elements. This books was no different, and it didn’t just expose something about human nature. It exposed human nature. It showed the good and bad and expressed the four main parts of human nature by using the factions of Candor (honesty), Eruidute (intelligence), Abnegation (selflessness), Dauntless (bravery) and Amnity (Peace). It showed the good and bad within these human natures. It is hard for me to explain it elloquently and with it making sense, I suppose you have to read the books to understand.

Now I am going to warn, spoilers up ahead, so stop reading now if you don’t wish for anything to be spoiled.

The first two books I read extremely quickly, because I just couldn’t put them down. I was completely and utterly hooked. The third one took me a fair bit longer due to it being a duel first person narrative and switching between Tris’ and Tobias’ perspective. I personally am not a fan of a duel narrative especially when it is in first person, because I get extremely confused as to whom perspective I am reading. Which is what equated to me taking a little longer to read it. However you understand why you are introduced to Tobias’ perspective in this novel after haven been just subjected to Tris’ perspective in the first two by the time you finish the novel.

Another thing which I disliked within the novels was the relationship between Tris and Tobias (Four) I personally did not like them as a couple. I am not blind, and could see (well read) that they did love one another and that they helped the other grow. But as a couple I just didn’t like them together and so for me I felt their relationship retracted from the novel a bit. To me it made it seem that they were only great characters because of their relationship and that they weren’t great individuals. So when they ‘broke up’ in the third novel, I wasn’t annoyed I was actually quite relieved and wanted it to stay that way. I thought they would work better as friends rather than girlfriend and boyfriend.

I loved the fact that none of the characters were perfect and I loved how in particualr Peter, became so self-aware. Every single character went through character development and you can’t help but grip onto these characters as tight as you can because every single character I liked. They all served a purpose and the books are so wonderfully written that I could even guess plot points and guess solutions. For example I worked our Four was Tobias before it happened and I worked out that Tris’ mother had been in dauntless before the book told me so.

But most importantly I loved Tris. Beatrice Prior was a true treasure to read. Often you find within books that the main character goes through a phase where you dislike them, that never happened to me with Tris. She was beautifully flawed and made mistakes but she always stayed true to herself and she learnt from herself and she never disappointed me. (Huge spoiler coming up) When she agrees to let her brother, Caleb die, I could see how conflicted she was but understood why she let him. But in that moment when she remembered what she had told him how she would never let him go to his execution and she stuck by her word and didn’t let him die. Throughout the first novel Tris is constantly believing she is selfish and has always been far too selfish to ever be Abnegation. In the end, her final act is so selfless. So beautifully selfless, and that moment truly resonates with me, because in the end she was exactly the opposite of what she always believed she was. She was amazing and even though she dies, I was not truly sad because it felt right. Which is a strange thing to say. It felt right and I was so proud of her and it was beautiful. She was and is a beautiful character. Beatrice Prior, I couldn’t have asked for a better main character.

Thought no.22 – Hero and Villain

Fantasy is one of the marvels of this world I live in. Without it I would be truly lost but also without it I would probably have lower expectations on life and what it is meant to be like. I read that there is always a hero, villain, sidekick, damsel in distress but I see none of these in my life. Presumably I am the main character of my own story, making me the hero, but I do not have a sidekick nor a villain. I have no one I am up against. But if I think I see that I am my own villain; I am constantly fighting myself. Though there is no imbalance of good and evil, there is only me and I am the hero trying to save the damsel is distress, yet I am both, I am trying to save myself from the villain. I am trying to save myself from myself.

I do not belong in a wonderful huge adventure full of excitement and danger, meeting new people and visiting magical new lands. I am not falling in love or saving lives. I am just trying to get through day by day, and sometimes I realise my life is not going to be like the stories I read in books. My life is a lot more difficult, because there is no evil entity I must face, as I must face myself as the villain and be a hero and save myself, as I am also the damsel in distress. My sidekick is nowhere to be seen, I am not even my own sidekick, because in the end I am alone in this battle. This dull, incessant, tiring battle, there is no magic in my life, no fantasy element. There is only me. Just trying to save myself and pull myself through each day. The only battle is the one going on in my head every single day.

Sometimes I wonder if I can cope and manage, if I can continue being the hero, villain and damsel in distress. I wonder that if I will be happy living in a world that is not like the stories that I read. Life is not beautiful and sometimes I forget that, sometimes I forget that my life will not become a wonderfully written fantasy novel. I have not lived yet, but I feel as if it is taking too long for my life to begin and I worry that it never will. I worry that it never will because a wizard is not going to turn up on my doorstep and take me on an adventure.

I wonder if everyone goes through this. I have no doubt that everyone does at one point in their life, but I wonder if it’ll ever stop. Everyone says in face of a bad situation that “it’ll get better” but I want to know when. Because isn’t the hero meant to bring about this better world? But if I am that hero then I know it shan’t be done any time soon because I am still trying to save myself and defeat myself. Real life is whole lot more complicated and difficult than a fantasy life, especially if you are both the hero and villain of your own story.